The Threat of Creative Writing

So, I help out with the church websites when I can.
I'm currently trying to make a page on the GCIS website with profiles of all the teachers. We already had professional photographs taken of us all at the beginning of the year, so all I needed was the text. However, I had been having a bit of a difficult time getting each teacher to write their own profile, despite having given an easy-to-copy-and-tweak example I had only received replies from about half.
SO, I decided to write them myself, and make them interesting. And if the teachers didn't like - maybe this would be an incentive to send me a less imaginative one. Here is the e-mail I sent (names changed to avoid well.... something ).
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So... Since none of you have gotten back to me with your teacher profiles for the website, I've taken the liberty of writing profiles for you.

Please read over these and let me know if there are any corrections.
If I don't hear from you within the week, I'll just assume these are ok and put them up :) Thanks!!

Despite his early days as a circus performer, Joe finds that he really enjoys the quieter life of being a missionary and teaching at the school. "It is amazing how similar teaching is to lion-taming" he says, "if you lose control of the class for even a moment, you could easily get devoured"
When not teaching at GCIS, Joe likes to spend his time organizing his bottle-cap collection.

Jane, vice principal of GCIS is a world renowned ventriloquist. Some of her many famous acts include "Maury and I" which stars her grammatically challenged seaturtle puppet named Maury. Speaking of her ability to blend her former occupation with teaching Jane says "teaching is so much more effective when you're able to throw your voice and teach from many angles at once. It really keeps the kids on their toes!"

Sally has been teaching at GCIS for nearly a year now. She came to Japan based on her extreme love for cosplaying as Pikachu. Though there's not too much opportunity to be Pikachu at GCIS, she still finds it enjoyable. She also collects stuffed ferrets which she often brings to class as teaching aids.

Tom hearts ninjas. He hearts them so much, he decided to move to Japan so that he could study to become one. Teaching is actually just a cover for his nightly escapades where he inconspicuously tip-toes around the town dressed in black. Last year he taught English to 5th graders, but this year he has switched to teaching Bible, because it is a much more effective weapon. The students never know what hit them.


I have since received a few replies with less imaginative but more accurate descriptions.
Success!